Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Thinks 'employee of the month' is a good example of how someone can be a winner and a loser at the same time.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 19:11 by john@dumpmonkey.com Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone's calling from a blocked or unknown number, I like to answer "Hasenfeffer Incorporated, Schlemazel speaking".
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's amazing the amount of bullsh*t a man will put up with if he has even the slightest thought he might get a piece of ass.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm drunk and in the woods, I always have the urge to try to juggle squirrels.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:46 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd consider being a farmer. As long as I could live on the Pepperidge Farm, and raise Milanos.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:45 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon This whole time you've been worried about dying from unhealthy burgers, but now you find out that drinking water with a McDonalds Shrek glass is what's going to kill you. Go figure
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:03 by Gr`april Comments (0)  


   messageicon wishing that girl on Maury would hurry up and find her baby daddy already!
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to jail....because I just assaulted that plate of nachos!
←Rate | 06-10-2010 17:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i was playing ping pong against king kong in hong kong using my ding dong ...
←Rate | 06-10-2010 17:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My toilet seat was stolen, not sure who took it, right now I have nothing to go on.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 17:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon typing up a letter to the producers of "Unsolved Mysteries"...maybe they can figure out how many damn licks it takes to get to the center of a damn Tootsie Pop!!!!
←Rate | 06-10-2010 16:28 by SJM Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that the US Soccer team should dress up as oral hygienists to scare the english into forfeiture
←Rate | 06-10-2010 16:19 by Yaj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes being a good friend just means being a good listener...
←Rate | 06-10-2010 15:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife told me that I am immature, I said I know you are but what am I ??
←Rate | 06-10-2010 15:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think we should all look to other serious controversial environmental issues for guidance when we think of a punishment for the BP CEO. I think we should club him like a baby seal !! Then we can run a commercial saying that we are sorry for the mess w
←Rate | 06-10-2010 14:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All the girls become ordinary, no matter how much important they are to you before, once you spend certain amount of time with them after commitment.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 14:32 by naishadh86 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its says "omg Cholesterol" on my Box of Honey Nut Cheerios... is that bad???
←Rate | 06-10-2010 13:48 by GB Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
←Rate | 06-10-2010 12:05 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 11:14 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks farmville is o.k. but pharmville is a blast.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 10:31 by chuckg Comments (0)  




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