Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm starting to get a bit worried that Canada isn't going to win the World Cup this year.

   I'd still choose rock over paper in a real fight.

   Tropical Storm, hurrican Alex, is expected to hit the Gulf of Mexico today/tomorrow. They're saying it may interfer with the cleanup from Bp's oil spill. That's too bad: because it's been going so well.

   these keys I hold in my hand open up a very important part of my life,.. your chastity belt

   Maybe its called Eclipse because they plan on playing a better movie over it, like Bob Villas rendition of how long it takes for paint to dry

   determined to slam a revolving door...I will do this!

   The FDA says that airline food is often prepared in unsafe and unsanitary conditions. Otherwise known as "airplanes".

   "Cristiano Ronaldo's Spitting Mad at TV Camera after Portugal Exit".............dis shows what a loser he is ..............:P:P:P

   I'm now Getting facebooks requests from my 14yr old sons friends. My girlfriend just called me a M.I.L.F. "Mom I'd like to Facebook"

   I went to the movies cause people wanted to see Eclipse, So I slowly covered the projector beam. Caused a riot, at least I got a better show than what that movie would have been.

   figured out how to plug the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico......put a wedding band around it and it will stop putting out

   Hey girl I want you to lay in my bed and pretend your knees hate eachother

   saw a whino eating grapes. I was like "Whoa, buddy. You have to wait....."

   As a white person, I was offended on just how "white" the cast in Twilight Eclipse were.

   running down the street bare footed to get to ice cream truck on time!

   Twilight's like soccer. They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand.

   If good chocolate, good friends, good hugs or a good solicitor can't fix it then it simply can't be fixed... =)

   I am pretty sure it was more then just water Jack and Jill fetched from the hill, because people just don't come tumbling down for no reason and why was Jack wearing a crown I mean come on there is more to this story people.

   Twilight showed me it's okay to date underage girls if you're a 107-year-old vampire

   passed a door in the stairwell with the sign: "Door is Alarmed." I told it to relax, everything is going to be okay.