Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The skeletons in my closet have requested a walk in!!!

   Winnie the Pooh is a bad ass. Anyone that can be THAT fat, lazy, obliviously self absorbed and loved by all is a genius in my book.

   Sometimes I think the world would be much better off without so much technology. - Sent from my iPhone

   wonders what the guys from Color Me Badd are doing nowadays because I need a new roof.

   I just saw Inception and I'm pretty sure I dreamt that movie the other night...

   keep your issues in your tissue box, and learn how to keep them out of your status box..

   With great power comes great responsibility... but... with great amounts of beer comes a great excuse...

   Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a retard in tin foil

   Women, can't live with them.... can't live with them

   should be able to assist and speed up the Charles Darwin theory of Natural Selection!!!!

   I can't be your knight in shining armor.....but I DO have aluminum foil!

   95% of People who say, "Study! Study! Study!" during finals week are actually reading...Too bad they don't realize Facebook is not actually a book.....

   If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

   Lohan who? I cant believe the news coverage being given to a spoiled 20-something yr old. Here are a few 20 yr-olds worth knowing about: Justin Allen 23, Brett Linley 29, Justus Bartett 27, This week they gave their lives serving out Country

   You're so fake, Barbie is jealous

   Some people would not be born if alcohol was never invented.

   For Mel Gibson, how does every black joke start? By looking over his shoulder

   I can't afford the shakeweight, but I wish there was another activity that I can apply the principles to...

   A bread factory burned down over the weekend. No one was injured however the place is toast.

   I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy