Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Your eyes make the stars look like they're not shining.

   Look at it this way... If Walmart didn't exist, those people could shop ANYWHERE.

   If your girlfriend's driving you crazy, it's probably because it's the only kind of driving she's good at.

   This gallon of ice cream is a new flavor called, "Get Your Own."

   less than a God, but more than a man.

   ...Wyclef Jean disqualified for Haitian Presidency. Hey, that's no fair! If we elected an unqualified black man, why can't they?

   Have you heard about that online origami store? It folded.

   WEDDING: Point at which a male's opinions become utterly worthless.

   when light turns green, it means GO not text

   LOVE: nature's way of tricking people into reproducing

   BAT WINGS: When you're sweaty, and your sac starts stickin to your inner thighs

   always right and never wrong. The only time I thought I was wrong was when I thought I was wrong but I wasn't - I was right!!

   BONG: what you put the flowers in when then cops drive by. lol

   DINGLE BERRY: A small piece of poo clinging for dear life on the ass hair like it's the gym rope.

   My therapist once told me, "Sarah, no one is taking advantage of you." Feeling a bit better I asked how much was the co-pay. He said "I don't know how much do you got?"

   Out of a million voices I want to be the one that is heard.

   not mean. He/She just wasn't born with enough middle fingers to get his/her point across.

   ex girlfriend just told me that my immaturity erected a barrier between us...I have no idea what she's talking about, but its so funny that she said erected.

   Wake and Bake, that's the only way to enjoy a Sunday.

   Has been watching your whole life ................. so don't even think about it !