Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5712 of 6452

If your boyfriend isn't ignoring you as much as you'd like him to, suggest he join a few more fantasy football leagues.
←Rate |
09-05-2010 17:02
Comments (0)

remembering the days when cell phones were used for making phone calls.
←Rate |
09-05-2010 16:58
Comments (0)

Note to self: I think we should see other people.
←Rate |
09-05-2010 15:58 by Aaron
Comments (0)

thinks a religious war compares to 2 kids having an arguement who got the toughest imaginary friend
←Rate |
09-05-2010 15:31
Comments (0)

You can't turn a ho into a housewife unless you're playing Scrabble.
←Rate |
09-05-2010 14:40 by ANGELA
Comments (0)

Drown in your blood or live in your sht
←Rate |
09-05-2010 14:38 by Zack
Comments (0)

When love is not madness... it is not love.
←Rate |
09-05-2010 14:36 by Zack
Comments (0)

i think next time I'm out drinkin I'm gunna pull the label of my last beer and stick it on my shoulder just in case I get pulled over... that way I can say "no I havent officer, I'm on the patch"
←Rate |
09-05-2010 14:25
Comments (0)

USA & UK... Two countries standing side by side fighting the terrorist!!!!
←Rate |
09-05-2010 11:57 by USUK
Comments (7)

I still can't believe it! It does exist! Yes, just read that actually there is a place called "Canadian Hurricane Center"! Honest!
←Rate |
09-05-2010 11:52 by Tonzio
Comments (1)

relationship status as changed from " It's complicated " to "is in a relationship but the wife doesn't know"
←Rate |
09-05-2010 11:43
Comments (0)

hates having friend requests off faceless girls. Its called facebook for a reason you stupid splitarse! And that faceless pic looks like Darth Vader. Who wants 2 be friends with Darth Vader?!!
←Rate |
09-05-2010 11:21
Comments (0)

When I'm done using a unisex bathroom I leave the seat halfway up....never know who is coming in after me
←Rate |
09-05-2010 09:59 by JMc
Comments (0)

A man walks into a bar. He says to the bartender..... "Ow".
←Rate |
09-05-2010 05:09 by Zack
Comments (9)

If zombie's were dyslexic everyone named Brian would be in trouble
←Rate |
09-05-2010 05:04 by Zack
Comments (0)

Every time you lick a 9 volt, battery, you lick every person that's licked that 9 volt battery.
←Rate |
09-05-2010 05:01 by Zack
Comments (0)

Sure, I've got buns of steel. Just look in the breadbox.
←Rate |
09-04-2010 23:53 by Aaron
Comments (0)

If god is a dj, life is a dancefloor, love is a rhythm, you are the music, you get what you are given it's all how you use it and god wants you to shake your ass!
←Rate |
09-04-2010 23:23
Comments (0)

It may be surprising to know that hippos are the cause of more deaths in the wild than any other animal, but you can't say you weren't warned just how hungry they were.
←Rate |
09-04-2010 22:51
Comments (1)

Dogs see that their owner provides them with food, shelter and caters to their every need and they think "He must be God." Cats see that their owner provides them with food, shelter and caters to their every need and they think "I must be God."
←Rate |
09-04-2010 20:49
Comments (0)