Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   whatever does not kill me, only make's me stranger.

   likes it when he open a document on the comp and the monitor says WORD. And I'm like, YOOO!!

   Facebook Status - The new way to talk behind people's backs.

   I'd fake blindness to touch you inappropriately. ;)

   beauty is in the eye of the BEER holder.

   I get ENOUGH exercise pushing my luck! ;)

   if you don't like your job, you don't strike...you just go in everyday and do it half-assed...THAT'S THE AMERICAN WAY!!

   Look at the keyboard ... you and I are together - look underneath, it says JK. LMFAO

   just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand.

   Ahhhh...pity. Where would my love life have been without it?

   3 little sentences that will get you through life...1 "Cover me" 2 "Good idea,boss" 3 "It was like that when I got here".

   Discovery Channel - Conspiracies and Myths "Finding The Tooth Fairy" is on...... I hope they find her, she owes me money.

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her !

   People in jail cells shouldn't worry about having a facebook , because they're talking to walls as much as we are!

   I wish I was you so I could hang around with me

   (status update from the future) RIP everyone.

   I guess it's time to go grocery shopping. A mouse hung itself in our fridge and left a note 'Can't live like this'

   likes to send facebook status updates from my phone sometimes just to make it look like I left the house that day.

   DON'T hit kids, NO- seriously, they have guns now.

   P.S. don't forget to take that stick outta ur ass! ;)