Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5598 of 6372
____________is so far in the closet he is finding Christmas presents in Narnia.
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09-18-2010 09:14
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Female driving instructors... The equivalent of a blind person teaching kids to read.
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09-18-2010 09:12 by KOC
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If it wasn't for pricks like me, all you c*cksuckers would starve to death.
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09-18-2010 08:38
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ust received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
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09-18-2010 08:03
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|\\//\\//\\//\\| <-- <y best attempt at creating a piece of virtual bacon for you
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09-18-2010 01:56 by Zack
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stuck in traffic. Send bacon.
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09-18-2010 01:42 by Zack
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There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes......how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?
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09-18-2010 01:39 by AT
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Just because a guy wears a dress and dances with men doesn't mean he's gay.
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09-18-2010 00:37
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answered the phone at work, when the person asked if Roger was available..I said no, he's married
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09-17-2010 23:58
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answering the phone..county morgue, you stab em, we'll slab em
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09-17-2010 23:57
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coloring outside the lines
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09-17-2010 23:55
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she would rather be a smartass than a dumbass
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09-17-2010 23:50 by Carolynn
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you know why guns are better the woman? You can put a silencer on a gun
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09-17-2010 23:24 by one
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sitting on the toilet and a Huge spider walked in under the door...at least I didn't poo my pants
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09-17-2010 23:21
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DAMN you Farkle for temping me to Roll the Dice just one more time!
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09-17-2010 23:14
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when I would cry as a kid, my sisters would sing..nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I think I'll eat some worms....maybe I should have tried the worms?...nah rather have no friends!
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09-17-2010 23:05
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Never recycle a past relationship. Because if it didn't work out before, what makes you think it would this time?
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09-17-2010 23:04 by BEGO
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someone asked me what CRS was...I couldn't remember
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09-17-2010 22:45 by Carolynn
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How is taking a chainsaw to a Nissan a quality test? Perhaps the commercial is trying demonstrate rescue tools for emergency personnel to use after an accident.
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09-17-2010 22:42
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Based on my current rate of income, I estimate that I will be able to retire and live comfortably in about 180 years.
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09-17-2010 22:35
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