Funny Status Messages

   My No 1 Resolution for 2020.. Only eat white snow.

   It's not that I can't stand people who attend the University of Florida, it's that I can't stand the red-necks who love the Gators.

   T Js is garbage. None of these are funny and most are reused from years ago. The prime time on T Js was from 2012-2013 now it’s just pathetic. And I’m sure the mod will delete this. But truth hurts.

   Now that it's New Year's eve I expect big big changes tomorrow!

   As a Grandparent, my only New Year's resolution is to give less than 30% of my salary in 2020 to the Disney Corporation.

   Little known fact: BILL NYE is short for William New Years Eve

   New Year's Eve is just a myth created by the government to sell you more years

   Spent too much money over Christmas so tonight I'm going to party like its $19.99

   New year, new me *finally fixes that plate thing in the microwave so it rotates*

   Divorce Log 2006: My ex had her credit card stolen, but I didn't report it. The person who stole it used it less than she did.

   I'm not making any New Year's resolutions this year as they always just go in year and out the next.

   You can tell a lot about a person by the music on their iPod.

   No, I didn't gain weight over the holidays....I'm just retaining Christmas cookies, that's all....

   the edited version of Home Alone 2 is much better!!!

   The week between Christmas and New Year's should be called "Taint Week".

   I have a lot of imaginary friends. They are real people, I just have to pretend they are my friends.

   Don't forget to reset your calendars December 31st at midnight!

   I have a phone interview today and someone told me to “just be myself” so I’m not going to answer the call

   My ability to remember a song lyric from the 80’s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen. ‬

   In two days my optometrist promised me 2020 vision.