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Engelbert Humperdinck actually chose that name, he was not born with it. I think about this a lot
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09-05-2019 06:15
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My husband’s favorite place to stand is right in front of whatever cabinet I need.
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09-05-2019 06:15
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me: raises hell Hell: put me back down!
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09-05-2019 06:14
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*first day as an accountant* me: so where are the ants?
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09-05-2019 06:14
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in my opinion yamaha is probably the best grand piano/motorcycle company out there
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09-05-2019 06:13
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Am sorry I asked you 'Who is the father' when you told me your wife is pregnant.
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09-05-2019 06:12
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[scooby doo’s wife walks into the kitchen and slams a pile of legal documents onto the table. scooby looks up in shock] scooby: RIVORCE???
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09-05-2019 06:12
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Black bears smell up to 18 miles when hunting food. I smell my neighbor's barbecuing ribs and invite myself over. It's survival.
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09-05-2019 06:11
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If your girl takes care of animals at the zoo treat her right cause she’s a keeper.
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09-05-2019 06:11
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How to make meals for toddlers: Step 1. Choose any food. Step 2. Throw it away.
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09-05-2019 06:11
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In hell, everyone can see your Google search history.
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09-05-2019 06:10
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Not now, I'm binge watching the weather channel.
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09-05-2019 06:10
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Dude seriously drew his own own projected hurrican lines like a third grader changing a F into a B on his report card.
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09-04-2019 23:42
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He has the skin tone and the brain of a goldfish.
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09-04-2019 22:57
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How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention.
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09-04-2019 16:20
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The best Safeword you can use is "Meatloaf." It means "I would do anything for love but I won't do that."
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09-04-2019 07:41
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people worry about their "summer body" but I've been working on my "winter weight" for years
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09-04-2019 07:31 by
Eddy
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When you're a kid, it makes you feel good when someone says, "Wow! You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult *ahem*... not so much.
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09-04-2019 01:40
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If you don't hold your breath when the microwave is counting down we can't be friends
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09-03-2019 17:16
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Just heard on the news that is sure indication you might want to evacuate before the hurricane hits is if your local Waffle House closes.
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09-03-2019 06:54
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