Funny Status Messages

   Conserve energy, How would you feel if someone turned YOU on and then left?

   WARNING!PLEASE READ!!! If someone comes to your door and ask you to take off your clothes and dance around with your hands in the air....DO NOT DO THIS! This is a scam.....they just want to see you naked! Please copy and paste this as your status! I wish

   I woke up this morning to see a white powdery residue all over the ground outside. I'd better stay inside. That stuff could be Anthrax...

   going to quit drinking , when I woke up this morning my liver was sitting on the night stand smoking a cigarette and creaming at me "You B*stard

   I befriended Tom from Myspace on Facebook lol

   Actually found a way to enjoy Black Friday...baked beans with onions.

   Curiosity killed the heroine Cat

   It should no longer be cranberry sauce, it is cranberry jell-o... Sauce does not retain the shape of the can

   I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months. I don't like to interrupt her.

   Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school — you'll be working for them in the future.

   usually enjoys Black Friday shopping after he's eaten a heapin' helping of baked beans and broccoli.

   changing the name of my ipod to "The Titanic" so when I plug it into my computer it will say "The Titanic is syncing."

   did Superfly's family have "jive turkey" yesterday?

   some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

   It's better to be with no one than to be with the wrong one

   Forgiving is not forgetting, it is letting go of the hurt.

   Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-laws peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

   Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different.

   Face book keeps trying to get me to "meet up with local singles" I'm thinking how about NO Scott. seems to me like that could easily turn out to be a really really bad decision. lol watch out!! that beautiful 5'10 blonde with blue eyes might really be a 4

   It's normal for kids to play 'doctor.' Start worrying if you find them playing 'airport security.'