Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

   Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

   Honk if you love peace and quiet.

   A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

   The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

   My girlfriend is currently trying to understand my desire to unicycle. She accepted my ukulele playing, but this is apparently too far!

   hears there may not be any football in 2011, and would like to thank the Dallas Cowboys for preparing us with no football in 2010.

   What's LOVE? In math: A problem... In history: A war... In chemistry: A reaction... In art: A heart...In me: You...

   When life leaves you speechless, music provides the lyrics to help you find the meaning...

   I made a promise to myself years ago. that as I begin to age considerably...I will keep with me some semblance of fashion. Never when wearing shorts, will I sport black socks and dress shoes..I will try to keep my trousers up to a reasonable height...wh

   So we just spent $4 billion on an election about "too much spending?"

   We may be falling behind China in some ways, but our underground drug tunnels are second to none. USA!!

   reminds parents of children under 3 years to refer to their kid's age in years, not months. It's a child, not cheese.

   there's nothing like watching a commerical of people making out with a McRib sandwich......kinda turns m on

   "A Deficit... really? ... What do you mean we're overdrawn? .. can't be... I have checks left" -- President O'Bama

   OK Santa I guess your going to celebrate thanksgiving also

   its not Christmas time yet and Starbucks is holiday happy. We still have to get though thanksgiving people.

   The Republicans have announced they intend to make it more difficult to claim benefits. Starting next week the forms will only be printed in English.

   Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.

   I hate to admit it but i'm in a really dark place right now... oh wait.... found the light switch... phew! never-mind :