santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   My sons love dressing up as Wardens and playing prison, their Grandma was shocked when she found out I had built them a miniature electric chair for Christmas....

   all I want for christmas is you... just kidding, get me diamonds.

   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

   I got my drug dealer $200 for Christmas and he got me a big bag of weed.

   For christmas I bought my girlfriend a treadmill and a Victoria's Secret catalogue.

   Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, F*ck Kwanzaa.

   The weather man (drug dealer) says I can have a white Christmas (cocaine) with plenty of trees (weed) and now I'm happy (broke)

   Dear Santa , before I try to explain . Just how much do you aleady know .

   If you put your kid's GPA in your Christmas card's the grandparents might be proud of them but everyone else is gonna think YOU'RE a di<k!

   For Christmas I'm asking Santa for a great big sense of entitlement that can only be filled with materialism! - earth kids.

   You know you have a lot of tattoos when you can win an ugly Christmas sweater contest by going shirtless.

   Santa is the ultimate hipster. Works one day a year and spends the rest of the year judging you.

   Santa must think my name is Cole.......

   My kids are lucky, their crossing guard dresses as Santa every year. When I was a kid my crossing guard looked like Carla from Cheers.

   Christmas: The only time of year when your credit card company calls you and says "Thank you!"...

   f you feel sad, remember: There are people out there right now buying last-minute Christmas presents for their cats.

   What did the little black kid get for Christmas? My bike :(

   White Kid: For Christmas I got 500 dollars, a PS3, and an X Box 360/

   Every time someone tells me Happy Holidays, I just want to deck their halls....with a roundhouse kick to the face.....

   Christmas and booze they both have a lot to do with SPIRIT!