santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   My kids are lucky, their crossing guard dresses as Santa every year. When I was a kid my crossing guard looked like Carla from Cheers.

   Christmas: The only time of year when your credit card company calls you and says "Thank you!"...

   f you feel sad, remember: There are people out there right now buying last-minute Christmas presents for their cats.

   What did the little black kid get for Christmas? My bike :(

   White Kid: For Christmas I got 500 dollars, a PS3, and an X Box 360/

   Every time someone tells me Happy Holidays, I just want to deck their halls....with a roundhouse kick to the face.....

   Christmas and booze they both have a lot to do with SPIRIT!

   i just saved a bunch of money on Christmas by getting my daughters batteries with toys not included for Christmas this year.

   If you include your kid's high GPA score in your Christmas letter grandma will be proud but everyone else hates you.

   Attention!!! Christmas has been canceled this year!!! I told Santa that I had been good. He died laughing...

   I wrap the first few presents Martha Stewart style but towards the end they take on a drunk Helen Keller style.

   its beginning to cost a lot like Christmas

   Based on some of the status updates I see my friends post, I think some of them should see if there is an after Christmas return policy on relationships.

   The Christmas spirit is gone and I blame the Ghostbusters!

   Correcting typos matter. Its the different between addressing a letter to Santa or Satan. It could save a child's soul.

   Dear Santa, when I said I wanted something blingy around my neck.... STREP THROAT is NOT what I had in mind :/

   I still don't understand why these Christmas Carolers get spooked so easily....They act like they've never had a potato gun fired at them before! ツ

   Yeah, I can see where decorating your office for Christmas takes priority over you actually doing the job you're getting paid for. While you're at it you might as well decorate the bathroom too, someone might actually give a sh*t in there

   Just bought forty copies of Justin Bieber's latest CD as Christmas presents for all those who really pissed me off throughout 2011.

   Last Christmas I gave you my heart. But the very next day you gave it away. This year I'll give it to someone speci....wait a minute! You re-gifted my heart!?!