Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.

   gravy flavored coffee. Poor choice.

   never call a newborn "My little tax deduction" in front of your wife.... Trust me.

   you get what you pay for... Nothing proves this more than toilet paper and hookers

   if you wanna womanise.., you should condomise..

   Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I'm going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.

   three strikes in Wii bowling I got a turkey :D Happy Thanksgiving Me.

   planning on stuffing my turkey with Froot Loops - I find it is colorfully festive and fun for the kids!

   at home on White Wednesday.....just sayin

   Why do Koreans fight among themselves? It must be hard because they all look alike so nobody knows who to shot whom.

   May your turkey be overstuffed and the belt on your robe loose enough. Happy Thanksgiving!

   making a Thanksgiving mix Tape

   If it's between love and losing And to never have known the feeling, I'd still side with love And if I end up lonely at least I will be there knowing I believe in love

   As God is my witness, I thought Turkeys could fly!!!!

   it's time to break out the kiddie pool and fill it with cranberry sauce.... Time for Bubba and Sis to fight over that turkey leg Springer-style. Gotta love Family Thanksgiving Traditions....

   TSA tagline: One man's junk is another man's treasure.

   feels like a TSA agent stuffing this turkey...

   "America has no greater friend than Great Britain" ~ George Bush

   Camping out for black friday is a fun way to prepare for your impending homelessness.

   Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I've even said anything? How do you know it's nice to meet me? I'm an a$$hole. It probably isn't.