Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5351 of 6446

BBC News: David and Victoria Beckham expecting fourth child. Oh wait, no, she's just eaten an apple.
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01-10-2011 10:06 by @clarkysj
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I'm sorry miss, but if you didn't want your melons squeezed than you shouldn't work in produce section.
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01-10-2011 09:08
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Huh, as a child I hated to get spanked with a belt and it made me cry. Yet as an adult I enjoy it and it makes me smile. Go figure.
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01-10-2011 08:57
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Derek Rowe Lease just signed... Movin away from the old meth and crack heads next to some nice occasional cocaine users..
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01-10-2011 08:49 by Wolf
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Arkansas forecast for tomorrow ...3 inches of birds
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01-10-2011 08:41 by charlied1
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when I was a kid the "parental control" button was a belt.
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01-10-2011 07:24
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what with all this god stuff, Stop it . Get a life you must be a myspace person.
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01-10-2011 06:28 by lyn
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after hearing about the world coming to an end soon I feel that it is my duty to warn you all as friends that when the zombies are chasing....i will trip you !
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01-10-2011 06:08
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I've always been taught to be patient, but now I'm worried that I'm just encouraging idiots to waste people's time.
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01-10-2011 05:43
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Life is a waste of time, Time is a waste of life. So, get wasted all the time and have the time of ur life ;)
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01-10-2011 05:30
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I went to Lowe's with a bucket of Legos and asked the manager if we could build something together. She threw me out.
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01-10-2011 03:32 by will
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wonders how a fine is justified as a predetermined tax for doing something wrong, and yet taxation is accepted as a fine for doing well?

Sometimes I feel like kicking you in the face....but then again WHY should I help improve your looks?
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01-10-2011 02:15
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a fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it did half the time.
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01-10-2011 01:00
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- Today's word of the day is "Legs". Now let's go back to my place and spread the word.
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01-10-2011 00:58
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newest kill off of wildlife to hit the news. 2.5 million eagles fans just dropped outta the playoffs
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01-10-2011 00:49
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99 bottles of beer on the wall. 99 bottles of beer. Take them all down skip the dam song, drink em all at once with a beer bong.
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01-10-2011 00:31 by Will
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Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink... But if you must lie, lie in the arms of you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death., and if you must drink, drink in the moments that takes your breath away....
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01-10-2011 00:11 by Sam K
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I've met many believers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.
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01-09-2011 23:47
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I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. Guess she heard her killer coming.
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01-09-2011 23:33 by Valerie
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