Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 532 of 6446

I have electile dysfunction. I’m not aroused by any of the candidates
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02-01-2020 08:52 by Rickster
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Back in 11th grade, a guy bugged me about his getting 10 times more girls than I got. I didn't care since 10x0 was still 0.
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02-01-2020 05:32 by Fazzy
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When I'm not at home and my wife is giving me the silent treatment, she'll send me blank tex messages.
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01-31-2020 23:25 by STARMAN
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Why do wives think giving their husband the silent treatment is a punishment.
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01-31-2020 23:17 by STARMAN
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I appreciate Facebook music invite but I don't think I'm going to be able to make it out tomorrow night to hear your band playing 1000 miles away.
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01-31-2020 21:12
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All these people running around with masks on.... Made in China
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01-31-2020 15:04 by Rick
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If you're over 18 but under 21 and are arrested for drinking alcohol, you can be charged as an adult for being under aged.
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01-31-2020 08:33 by Rickster
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I hope the President hands out Impeachment Acquittal Pens at the State of Union.
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01-31-2020 06:02
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You know how well a friend's kitchen remodeling job came out when you can't find the garbage can.
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01-30-2020 23:45
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If the coronavirus came from eating raw bats, then Ozzy Osbourne is patient zero.
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01-30-2020 22:38
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I'm in the mood for some Bat Foo Yung, Moo Goo Gai Bat and Bat Rangoon.
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01-30-2020 21:13
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Shoutout to all the ‘Hi’s in my message requests. I admire your imagination
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01-30-2020 08:26
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Eats one handful of popcorn. Spends next 4 years flossing.
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01-30-2020 08:17
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Ambition, is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
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01-30-2020 08:05 by Rockpile
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Depression, is merely anger without enthusiasm
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01-30-2020 08:04 by Rockpile
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Look I'm not saying I'm old, but when I was young rainbows were black and white..
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01-30-2020 07:09
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Next time a telemarketer calls, hit 'em with an "I love you" right off the bat. Just keep saying it, no matter what they say..
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01-30-2020 07:08
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Overture, turn the lights! This is it. The night of nights. No more rehearsing and nursing a part. We know every part by heart! Overture, turn the lights! This is it. We'll hit the heights! And oh, what heights we'll hit! On with the show, this is it!
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01-30-2020 07:07
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Yesterday was a great day. The mailman delivered to me a Three Dog Night cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
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01-30-2020 07:05
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Really feel bad for my neighbor.... He thought a vasectomy would keep his wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
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01-30-2020 07:05
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