Funny Status Messages

   I often wonder if the passive-aggressive Facebook status updates of others are aimed at me.

   I'm training for the Super Bowl. Today's menu: 3 dozen wings, sliders, nachos and beer.

   One day I want to be "Let's Just Take My Helicopter" rich.

   Let's take turns going crazy. You first.

   I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.

   Knows that excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first making the brain a faster more efficient machine. This is why I drink!

   I was planning on procastinating today but I think I'm going to put that off until next week as well

   if the Jets make it to the Super Bowl, I sure hope the cast from Jersey Shore will not be in the half time show

   a coincidence is only a coincidence if you don't have an open mind

   Hey, does anyone know if the Bears are playing today?

   The one constant among all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers

   A cancer patient only has one wish, to get better. I know that 97% of you won't post this as your status, but my friends will be the 3% that do. In honour of someone who died, or is fighting cancer please post this for at least one hour.

   If you ever want to see a woman crying or screaming, just turn on oxygen.

   its days like this that some idiot out there feels the bravado to stick the tongue on a metal pole, I prefer to put my tongue on something warm, pink and juicy...

   maybe I'm not pretty, nice, funny, popular, hot or charming...but at least; I'M NOT FAKE!

   Baby,baby,baby ooh!" Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to justin bieber AGAIN..? Daughter: No I'm watchin PORN... Mom: Oh thank God

   Thinks that Facebook should change the status question from "What's on your mind?" to "What's your problem today?"

   What's six inches long, two and a half inches wide, and drives women wild?................................. Money

   I've probably learned more from Google than I have from school.

   Hi I'm the T-Mobile My Touch 4G. Since Apple gave Verison the IPhone and not us, we feel salty and are going to attack them in every commercial.