Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Posting a pic of how bad the roads are while you're driving sort of makes the situation worse don't ya think?

   getting 3 inches of snow per hour. My front yard looks like Charlie Sheen's coffee table.

   wHeN yOu TyPe LiKe ThIs It GiVeS mE a HeAdAcHe AnD iT tAkEs TwIcE aS lOnG tO tYpE AnD I WaNt To ClAmP yOuR fAcE iN a GeOrGe FoReMaN gRiLl ...

   Ah...the old "saran wrap over the groundhog hole" trick. Gets'em every time!

   saw a guy give a homeless man a coffee....Great! Now he is alert and fully aware of his surroundings...the street, the alley, his shopping cart...

   "Like a good neighbor....State Farm is there......with a shovel....getting all this white crap outta my yard"

   The pity train has derailed at the intersection of “suck it up” and “move on” and has crashed into “I don't give a damn”. So sorry ….

   There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves

   Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible

   If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem

   has lost his shoes

   I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I'm going back to bed for six weeks.

   Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today.

   Winter, slumbering in the open air, wears on its smiling face a dream... of spring. Ciao

   Of course the snow is really "coming down" out there. What? As opposed to it going up?

   President Obama is celebrating Black History Month, but just for the first two weeks.........

   For those men who don't pee in the shower, I SALUTE you!!

   My wakeup song this morning was Strokin IT by Clarence Carter!!!! Must have been all that wishful dreaming last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   Groundhog just slid a note under the door that read 6 more months winter. Don't worry I've got my shotgun and I'm asking him again.

   Happy Groundhogs Day. No way Phil is coming out of his hole today.....