Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Got a Valentine card in the mail today from my ex who wants me back. Sorry Verizon its not happening. You should try and move on without me.

   There once was a team called the Steelers, who thought they were real death dealers. Then out of the back came the Big Green Pack and turned them all into squealers!

   Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need in the beginning are 2 Hearts and a Diamond, and by the end all you want is a Club and a Spade!

   If I spent as many hours learning how to play guitar as I do on Facebook, I'd be ready to take over from Gary Moore by now. RIP mate :(

   and the moral of the story is........Rapist don't win Super Bowls!!!

   Chrysler,Eminem Imported From Detroit one of the best commercials ever

   My husband understands that when we argue, and I say "Fine, do what you want." I really mean "If you do that, I will stab you in your sleep."

   In short, you have all the social prospects of a garden gnome.

   There is no Hell. There is only France. --Frank Zappa

   Ever look at a pic someone posted and think sarcastically to yourself "Imagine that."

   Q: What do you call a Steelers fan holding a bottle of champagne after the Super Bowl? A: Waiter.

   refusing to take NO for an answer, Big Ben just raped the Lombardi Trophy.

   I don't care what anyone says Brett Favre is somewhere totally kicking himself in the a$$ right now!

   Looks like Mr. T and Flav O Flav had a baby and he is one of the Black Eyed Peas!!

   "Glee" after the Super Bowl? From politics to TV shows, Fox continues to polarize the U.S.

   I wanna sleep with her, I wanna sleep with her, I wanna sleep with her, I wanna sleep with her, men don't think like that. We think I wanna screw her! No sleep involved

   "Sometimes you can sneak the tight end in the back" that sounded so dirty!

   "I gotta feeling... that tonight's gonna hurt the Black Eyed Peas"

   If only Slash could have played for the other 13 minutes it would have been a great halftime!

   Bill O'reilly, you are interviewing the President of the US, not Lindsay Lohan. Let the man finish a thought would you? douchebag.