Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The entire French language is a choking hazard.

   What happens on Facebook stays on Facebook! (and then gets sold to the government for everyone to see).

   The Packers had a Super Bowl celebration & as a special treat, Christina Aguilera came & messed up the words to “We Are the Champions."

   Pageant officials want to fire Miss San Antonio for gaining weight. Apparently, the poor girl ballooned all the way up to a size zero.

   I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND TAKE A "SNOOKIE"

   Kinda feels weird when your computer asks if you'd like to continue unprotected....

   Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together. ;)

   Insomnia is a glamorous term for 'thoughts you forgot to have in the day.'

   I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be "Nobody" so when I see stupid crap people post, I can "Like" it. And it will say "Nobody Likes This"

   If there are ice cream vans in the summer, why cant we have Starbucks vans in the winter?

   This just in.. Governor Mary Fallin has just signed legislation naming the penguin as the new State Bird of Oklahoma...

   Lindsay Lohan? Uhh, throw her in prison for the next 3 years, see if we care.

   Sometimes we make love with our eyes, sometimes we make love with our hands, sometimes we make love with our bodies, but we always we make love with our hearts.

   I'll have a coke please . Hhmmm is Pepsi ok ? Hhmm how about no ! Is monopoly money ok ?

   thinking of starting a thread on facebook.... public restrooms need seat warmers!!!

   Mondays really need to be limited to one per week!

   Due to time constraints, your regularly scheduled status has been postponed. Please check back later for further updates.

   Thank You Kellogg's® Crunchy Nut™ cereal for the great slogan “It's morning somewhere”…Now, when I have afternoon or evening wood for no apparent reason, I have an answer….

   I'm so cold that I decided to start my own non-profit today. It's called PETAELG. That's People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals with the Exception of Lying Groundhogs

   Cinderella is proof that a fancy pair of shoes can change your life!!