Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5237 of 6446

If you're able to update your status saying you're drunk, you're clearly not drunk enough. I shouldn't be able to understand you.

the difference between try and triumpth is just a little bit of umpth!
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02-15-2011 15:00
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Today's inspirational post: You can do it!
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02-15-2011 14:50
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On my tombstone I want it to say: "I didn't forward the text message to 15 friends..."

The amount of fun I have on a night out is directly proportional to the number of items I cannot locate the next day.

Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don't want her to meet her competition right away.
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02-15-2011 14:23
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I think when someone asks for advice they're really asking "want to start a debate?"

Click Filter On or Off To See This Status.
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02-15-2011 14:11 by Asassyn
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And now, a few words by Stevie Wonder... ".. ...:.. ::.... .. . .:.:: ... :.::..." Pretty deep right? I damn near cried when he said, ".:.:: ... :.::..."
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02-15-2011 14:08 by M.A.C.
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Hosni Mubarak, the dictator just died

As I sit here eating Cheerios out of a plastic bowl, it makes me miss my kids in their toddler years. I think I'll get a High-Chair and make them eat dinner in it. I hope the weight limit is higher than 150lbs. Teenagers weigh a lot.

So in bed last night he says "let's have another one...". I wonder what story he is giving his co - workers today on how he got that black eye?

There's nothing more exhilarating than playing air guitar in your underwear...

Happy Discount Chocolate Tuesday!

Apparently CVS is going green. I just bought a roll of toilet paper and my receipt was only 37 inches long... I should have just bought a pack of gum and saved my receipt for... umm... ...nevermind.
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02-15-2011 13:19 by acl
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I'm going to be blunt and straight to the point here...people are stupid..

if its called mario brothers why is one named luigi...
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02-15-2011 13:08
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a guy always thinks how to break up after getting laid,,
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02-15-2011 12:31
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Happy Steak & B***J** day guys!
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02-15-2011 12:30
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Happy Discount Chocolate Tuesday
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02-15-2011 12:09
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