Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5224 of 6373
If you shut off the Internet in the US, we'd overthrow the government within hours.
You're so annoying you should just wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry."
I'm having one of those days where when I get home I'm going to lean against the door, and slide down it while dramatically sighing.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
I love getting voicemails from my grandma. They usually consist of a pause, then "I don't think he's home."
When you start to believe your own lies is when you know you're getting good at it.
I learn something new everyday. Yesterday I was wise. Today I'm wiser.
I'm the type of person who would spend 20 years becoming a judge, just so ONE person could be all, "You can't judge me!" And I'm like, "Bull$hit."
it wrong when your pubic hair is longer than your pubic?
←Rate |
01-28-2011 14:48 by urboyblue
Comments (0)
Do you want people to accept you as you are? Or do you want them to like you?
←Rate |
01-28-2011 14:26 by Will
Comments (0)
The phrase "This sh*t is bananas" probably originated from the guy who had to clean out the monkey cage at the zoo.
←Rate |
01-28-2011 14:11 by Aaron
Comments (0)
It takes police too long to respond to 911 calls. If I get robbed I'm ordering Chinese food and asking them to bring a gun.
←Rate |
01-28-2011 14:10 by Aaron
Comments (0)
When you open a big bag of cotton balls, is the top one ment to be trown away?
←Rate |
01-28-2011 14:03 by jack
Comments (0)
Frosted animal crackers, proof that this generation is too fat!
←Rate |
01-28-2011 14:02 by Will
Comments (0)
discovered today that goldfish do not like jello.
←Rate |
01-28-2011 13:59 by jack
Comments (0)
So you need some excitement in her life? Go buy a pet hippo or badger. Problem solved!
←Rate |
01-28-2011 13:55
Comments (0)
i like my coffee with half and half... half cream and sugar and half coffee
←Rate |
01-28-2011 12:47
Comments (0)
I remain concerned that without Internet access, the people of Egypt may not know that Charlie Sheen is okay.
←Rate |
01-28-2011 12:46 by Bill
Comments (0)
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember: Professionals built the Titanic; Amateurs built the Ark.
←Rate |
01-28-2011 11:37
Comments (2)
Don't you just love nature? Dispite what it did to your face.
←Rate |
01-28-2011 10:29 by Will
Comments (0)