Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 518 of 6446

you've never seen climate change and peppa pig in the same room have you.
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03-01-2020 15:50
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[at work party] Hey Bill...weird, have you always been a scotch guy? Bill (eating directly from tape dispenser): I stick with it.
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03-01-2020 15:49
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I do not want to get the Coronavirus that’s why I switched to Modelo
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03-01-2020 13:20 by Otis
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dentist: how much mtn dew have you been drinking? me: I don't know why dentist: because your teeth are snowboarding ok that's why
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03-01-2020 12:27
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I like using my speakerphone but hate how it literally spells everything I say exclamation point period
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03-01-2020 11:43 by Moon
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**Blood-curdling scream** Dinner's ready.
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03-01-2020 10:26
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huge shout out to my cat who I recently learned knows how to turn on my gas range stove while we’re all asleep
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03-01-2020 10:25
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Welcome to Facebook. It’s like cooking spaghetti: Throw your noodle at the wall to see if something sticks.
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03-01-2020 10:24
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Hello...?!?!?!
Has anyone on FB noticed my desperate pleas for help and attention?!
...Anyone at all?!
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03-01-2020 09:45
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I walked into a bar in another neighborhood the other day and I noticed that everyone there was wearing a tool belt. Then I found out they were all roofers. I’d stumbled into a shingles bar.
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03-01-2020 07:38
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The World Origami Championship has been won by a man from The Philippines, known simply as The Manilla Folder.
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03-01-2020 07:36
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Should the person who invented Swiss cheese be referred to as “Your Holiness”?
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03-01-2020 07:35
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Every year I rotate all 4 tires on this date
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03-01-2020 07:34
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Wash your hands like you got a club stamp you don't want Mom to see
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03-01-2020 07:31
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We're looking for someone to eat macaroni and cheese at the end of our bed while we have sex. No weirdos please.
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03-01-2020 07:30
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NASA is currently recruiting people for their rest studies program in which participants will be paid $18,000 to spend 70 days in bed and smoke different types of marijuana. so far, they've had 1 billion applicants.
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03-01-2020 07:14
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Every time I drive up to my new tax guy's office, he says the same thing. "You weren't tailed, were you?"
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03-01-2020 07:09
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It's tax time. I switched to a new tax guy and I think he's fantastic. He wants me to establish my full-time residence in Syria.
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03-01-2020 07:08
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I'm not trying to talk out of turn or anything here about the coronavirus BUT, have they tried it with a lime?

Whatever you’re giving up for lent, I’ll take it.
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02-29-2020 18:31
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