Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Boy: Hey babe wanna come over later and watch me play COD? Girl: Nah I have this thing.. Boy: What thing? Girl: A life. Boy:.....

   Harry Potter made wizards cool again, Left 4 Dead made zombies cool again, The Dark Knight made superheroes cool again, Twilight made vampires uncool forever!

   rσsєs αrє rєd, víσlєts αrє вluє. díd чσu αctuαllч thínk í'd crч σvєr чσu? í tσld чσu í lσvєd чσu, чσu вєlíєvєd ít wαs truє. guєss whαt вαвч? чσu gσt plαчєd tσσ.♥

   The awkward moment...When you see someone wearing a skirt that looks like it could be a belt

   That awkward moment when The world doesn't end in 2012 And a lot of girls are pregnant...

   Dear periods, You are the true definition of "bloody hell." Sincerely, Girls

   Who said, " nothing is impossible!" try nailing jello to a tree.

   We always hear: Ipod, Ipad, and Iphone, it would be nice to hear ILove you once in awhile

   My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them stuff in person.

   You know the feeling when you're tired but you have better things to do than go to bed? I have it all the time.

   That awkward moment when she is wearing her apple bottom jeans, but she cant find her boots with the fur, and the whole club does'nt look at her

   Dear mom who just learned what "lol" means, ROTFLMFAO. Sincerely, good luck with that one :]

   Just because we're friends on Facebook doesn't mean that I actually like you in »»real life««

   What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile.

   A man walks into a library and says, "I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology".

   "Someone's been eating my porridge!", said Father bear. Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's.

   My uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer last month, but all my Facebook friends changed their status' for an hour and now he's going to live a long and fruitful life.

   Has anyone Sheen my drugs?

   wondering why when you type facebook on facebook it underlines it red as if to say you spelled it wrong. Seeeee, it did it again!! Twice!! I found the "glitch" in the Matrix..Woot

   Never open a email with the attachment " Charlie Sheen footage". It's not a virus or anything,but lets face it, we've all had enough of that idiot lately.