Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Kelly Clarkson's new album will be delayed for a few months. Apparently it has upset all three people who were lining up to buy it.

   A study says that talking on cell phones while crossing the street can be dangerous for elderly people. Especially when it takes all their concentration to even figure out who they are talking to.

   Billy Ray Cyrus has called off his divorce. Apparently he didn't want to give away half of everything he owns. Which is pretty much whatever Miley is paying him.

   Kraft is raising the price of Maxwell House Coffee 22%. Apparently their new motto will be “As expensive as Starbucks without the attitude.”

   The Pet Shop Boys have finished their first ballet score. Which answers the question as to how their music could possibly be any more gay.

   Wal-Mart stores in California have reached a goal of sending only 20% of their waste to landfills. Of course, the other 80% of their garbage is what they stock on their shelves.

   Tonight's full Moon will be the biggest in appearance in the past 18 years as the moon will be unusually close to the Earth. The only thing bigger than the moon is Uranus

   I wish getting old meant growing a majestic pair of antlers.

   France must need a communist in office to step up to the plate.

   I f I have am erection that lasts longer than 4 hours, I'm not calling a doctor...I'm calling a film crew!

   French Toast.....French Fries....French Kiss and now French Fighter Jets....all bad a** contributions by France

   Viva la French Toast!

   France, once again, takes up the fight in the defense of freedom and liberty.....

   but the bigger question is the pilot of the french fighter jet that fired on Quadafi's tank....Did he immediately land and surrender to its crew?

   I guess the phrase ''ITS MY MONEY AND I NEED IT NOW!'' does'nt work on the I R S.

   ‎ So, did France like lose at rock, paper, scissors or something? I mean France?

   Finally some "CHANGE" we can sink our teeth into. Chicken and Waffles at the I-Hop!

   I will never go Bungee Jumping. Put all your faith in a piece of Rubber? I got here because of its failure and I don't plan on giving it a chance to take me out!

   Tonights Forecast in Libya: A beautiful full blue moon followed by a sky filled with long range missiles and a great air show.

   Civil war divides Libya into Libya Majora and Libya Minora.