Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat? A dandy lion! (I'm here all day)

   Funny is grown adults who think they are still in an AOL chat room! haha

   One word that says It all "SHUDDAFUGUP"

   Funny how Facebook is Fantasy Island for some. They pretend to be something they are not on FB but in real life are real douchebags!

   Cheered myself up earlier by putting a “no U-turn” sign in a dead-end street.

   gas prices are higher than Charlie Sheen !

   Fought a guy in a wheelchair. He said I'll get you when I get to heaven and get my legs back. I said, it's a Stairway to Heaven, not a ramp.

   I think I missed the driver ed class on how inching forward every 5 seconds at a red light makes it turn green faster.

   The magic of Facebook - you can poke each other all day long and no one has to lay in the wet spot :-P

   Hypochondriacs with OCD make the best house keepers.

   I'm feeling just a little under the table this morning.....

   head and shoulders needs to come out with a new shampoo. called knees and toes

   It seems I have 3 personalities. One that has a plan, one that completely screws up the plan, and one that says "what the hell happened to the plan?"......

   I thought bullying was no longer socially acceptable....so why are the Republicans doing it?

   Dotn dirnk and update Fistbook statass.

   My mum told me once that she judges how good a film is by the number of tissues she gets through....funny really, I have the same system

   May the itch of a thousand crabs affect the one who ruin my day...and may their arms be too short to scratch.

   Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.

   A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT AWOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY, IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF.

   Maybe cupid should shoot himself with his own damn arrow then maybe he'd see how much love hurts