Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's official. FaceBook is the new High5

   The best things are unseen,that's why we close our eyes when we Kiss,Laugh and Dream

   I'm pretty sure that just before I get to Walmart some mental institution drops off its patients to go shopping

   Dr. Suess should have been a rapper.

   If you're paddling upstream in a canoe at 56 liters per day, and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!! :D

   I may be fat, but you're ugly – I can lose weight!

   By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.

   I laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

   Being in LOVE is like Being DRUNK. No control over what you do.

   Remember before the smartphone when you had to take your laptop into the bathroom with you? God, it's like we were cavemen.

   I just took some candy from my baby nephew. I must say it wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be....

   I'm setting my alarm for 3am Friday, so I can wake up, remember I don't give a shit about the royal wedding and go back to sleep

   I JUST WON MY EASTER EGG HUNT!!! Those 8 year olds didnt stand a chance to my pushing and sprinting. It was kinda like taking candy from a baby!

   Sorry if my sarcasm offends you. Not really.

   Just sprayed Febreeze's "Brazilian Carnival" air freshener... So far, no party... Guess I'll just sit here and wait on my wax.

   Great day with family, great food but right now I am egg-zausted!

   "A day without a nap is like a cupcake without frosting." -Terri Guillemets

   I've read the story before the duck dies

   What a beautiful day in history. A few thousand years ago, a chicken dressed as a rabbit layed the first ever Cadbury Egg.

   it just me, or is everyones day ruined when you hear that J.G. Wentworth commerical? No matter when, where or even how I hear it, that damn commericals song gets stuck in my head. Damn you J.G. Wentworth and you ability to get my cash now!