Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I got a case of corona from walmart and I never felt better!

   Anyone know where I can get plastic eggs big enough to hide hand sanitizer in?

   My washing machine is broken so I had to wear my high school band uniform to work today

   I wore a mask to run errands today Accidentally robbed a bank

   My coworker read some fake Facebook thing saying vitamin C is the cure for the virus. He’s been drinking 3 large glasses of milk per day for the last 9 days. I haven’t had the heart to tell him orange juice is the one with vitamin C

   My blow up doll has started wheezing and she’s loosing weight rapidly. Getting very concerned.

   Hate to be the one to point out that if you're going around to your friends houses to take "Socially Distancing" pictures and videos with you're missing the point.

   I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

   If your blow up doll develops a runny nose, she is not COVID positive; she's full.

   Coronavirus is like a Thanos you can't see

   I've been social distancing from the gym for years

   I think we all need to be on the same page on this: are we telling kids that the Easter Bunny died of Corona Virus or that Carole Baskin killed him?

   Anyone else feel the love in here?

   If your blow up dolls nose starts running, she’s not sick she’s full.

   Trump will be re-elected.

   Lets send the coronavirus tiger to Carole Baskin

   True Christian values below. Wish death to everyone who disagrees with you. No wonder you people think Trump is holier than the Pope.

   To the below: Spoken like a true blue Christian, eh? You must make God so proud.

   We are the knights who say ‘Ni!

   Been on a new diet that seems to be working for me called "I better not eat too much as I'm trying to conserve what little toilet paper I have the hoards didn't get" diet.