Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In the 90's we had Clinton in office. We also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have Obama in office and we have no hope and no cash.

   Jell-O: Doubling the global demand for supply of Vodka since 1923

   I just thought of a quick way to spot a woman who is having that time of the month attitude problem! I call it the "Eye Pad!"

   Better get a bigger spatula before you try flipping that on me!

   That Awkward Moment When You Look Outside Your Window And Someones' Looking At You...

   FaceBook account for sale....Friends included!

   My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when you get home!”

   Two plus two is five given very large quantities of two.

   My mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”.

   it "Pets Mart"? Or is it "Pet Smart"?

   Born Free and Taxed to death!

   If your going to ask a girl out, make sure you know you'll treat her right. I see some guys treat their Girls like garbage. It's a disgrace. Have some respect!

   If evolution was true, mothers would have more than two hands.

   A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.

   Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs… since the payment is pure love.

   NO , people should stop arguing about ps3 and. Xbox 360 , because we all know the BEST system is, was and always will be the Atari 2600.

   this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?

   My neighbor is either having sex or been building up to sneeze for the last 10 minutes.

   On Fathers day, we thank our dads for our moms. On Mothers day, we thank our mama for not swallowing us.

   If you have a mom or wife that is an awesome mother don't post it here....get ur lazy ass up and go tell her in person!!