Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I love Swamp people...."choot em, hurry choot em"
←Rate | 05-10-2011 19:27 by Wayne Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Kobe Bryant, Would you like some cheese with that whine....sincerely Steve Nash
←Rate | 05-10-2011 19:24 by Wayne Comments (0)  


   messageicon Toilet was stolen out of City Hall yesterday. Police say they have nothing to go on!
←Rate | 05-10-2011 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love to stand in line at ATM machines, and when people put in their PIN, I yell GOT IT then run away.
←Rate | 05-10-2011 19:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
←Rate | 05-10-2011 18:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to be the first person to walk on the sun... I know what ur thinking an I've got it all figured out... I'm going at night.
←Rate | 05-10-2011 18:24 by Spidey Man Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope all you moms out there had a great Mother's Day! (If you're not a mom but would like to be, message me for details)
←Rate | 05-10-2011 16:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon WTF are birds so amped up about at 5:30 in the morning?
←Rate | 05-10-2011 16:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder what happened to that guy from the 90's who sang that song about barely breathing. I hope he's OK!
←Rate | 05-10-2011 16:03 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This alcohol diet is freaking awesome, I've already lost 3 days.
←Rate | 05-10-2011 16:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can't wait 'til I'm old enough to pretend I can't hear.
←Rate | 05-10-2011 16:02 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This vodka diet is freaking awesome, I've already lost 3 days.
←Rate | 05-10-2011 16:00 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's all fun and games until you know there's candy involved... then it gets SERIOUS! :)
←Rate | 05-10-2011 16:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its not me, its you. I just don't think it's going to work between us. You're boring, tasteless, and I can't stop cheating on you. I know you're my right choice, but we can't continue! TO: DIET FROM: ME
←Rate | 05-10-2011 15:59 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon I whisper freaky things in my girls ear while she is sitting infront of the family................ And I must say, It turns her on lol
←Rate | 05-10-2011 13:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girl: "Age is just a number." Guy: "Yeah? And jail is just a room."
←Rate | 05-10-2011 13:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon a girl takes dress to the dyrcleaners & asks for it be cleaned. The man is a bit deaf & says come again, Girl blushes and says no this time its yogurt!!!
←Rate | 05-10-2011 12:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything happens for a reason, live it, love it, learn from it! Make your smile change the world, but don't let the world change your smile :)
←Rate | 05-10-2011 12:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering ... Have you ever been at work, when a genital piercing has become a semi-medical emergency; only leading to having your girlfriend come and help you remove it with a dremel tool and bolt cutters? No? Me neither ...
←Rate | 05-10-2011 12:08 by Glen Ahlborn Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone else think "Global warming" is just wordplay and code for "The Human Infestation Problem"
←Rate | 05-10-2011 11:17 Comments (0)  




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