Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4978 of 6451

I love Swamp people...."choot em, hurry choot em"
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05-10-2011 19:27 by Wayne
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Dear Kobe Bryant, Would you like some cheese with that whine....sincerely Steve Nash
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05-10-2011 19:24 by Wayne
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Toilet was stolen out of City Hall yesterday. Police say they have nothing to go on!
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05-10-2011 19:07
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I love to stand in line at ATM machines, and when people put in their PIN, I yell GOT IT then run away.
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05-10-2011 19:04
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Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
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05-10-2011 18:56
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I'm going to be the first person to walk on the sun... I know what ur thinking an I've got it all figured out... I'm going at night.

I hope all you moms out there had a great Mother's Day! (If you're not a mom but would like to be, message me for details)
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05-10-2011 16:15
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WTF are birds so amped up about at 5:30 in the morning?

I wonder what happened to that guy from the 90's who sang that song about barely breathing. I hope he's OK!

This alcohol diet is freaking awesome, I've already lost 3 days.

Can't wait 'til I'm old enough to pretend I can't hear.

This vodka diet is freaking awesome, I've already lost 3 days.

It's all fun and games until you know there's candy involved... then it gets SERIOUS! :)
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05-10-2011 16:00
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Its not me, its you. I just don't think it's going to work between us. You're boring, tasteless, and I can't stop cheating on you. I know you're my right choice, but we can't continue! TO: DIET FROM: ME

I whisper freaky things in my girls ear while she is sitting infront of the family................ And I must say, It turns her on lol
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05-10-2011 13:28
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Girl: "Age is just a number." Guy: "Yeah? And jail is just a room."
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05-10-2011 13:16
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a girl takes dress to the dyrcleaners & asks for it be cleaned. The man is a bit deaf & says come again, Girl blushes and says no this time its yogurt!!!
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05-10-2011 12:46
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Everything happens for a reason, live it, love it, learn from it! Make your smile change the world, but don't let the world change your smile :)
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05-10-2011 12:26
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wondering ... Have you ever been at work, when a genital piercing has become a semi-medical emergency; only leading to having your girlfriend come and help you remove it with a dremel tool and bolt cutters? No? Me neither ...

Does anyone else think "Global warming" is just wordplay and code for "The Human Infestation Problem"
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05-10-2011 11:17
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