Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Nike, I did it. Now what happens? Sincerely, Pregnant teen.

   People who say you "tweet too much" need to take their asses back to MYSPACE cause you won't be seeing anything "too much".

   I like to consider myself like King Soopers...I too, take pride in the quality of my meat.

   Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!"

   Everytime I drink I break my "No" button. Yes, I want another drink. Yes, you can take me home. Yes, I'm sure I can drive. Yes, I will dance on the bar."

   BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.

   You know you drank too much last night when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator."

   I gotta get outta this funk, I've somehow lost my spunk. I'm not cheery, or happy, and I hate feeling crappy. Perhaps I should just get drunk!"

   The Republicans are so happy about bin Laden they've granted President Obama full citizenship

   why do some people say Math instead of Maths? ,, its Mathematics not Mathematic..

   decided that I am not an alcoholic...I am an extreme social partier with a drinking habit...I say habit because a problem is something you want to fix!"

   A new medical study reports that men who eat ten pizzas a week are less likely to develop prostate problems at age 50. That`s because they are usually dead by age 40

   What do we call the science of classifying living things?... Racism

   sells toilet paper for a living.... When the world poops he eats.

   The Lakers and Celtics out of the playoffs, woo hoo! Go bulls!

   It's so annoying when someone is talking and I'm trying to interrupt

   Does anyone else see the Elephant in the room.. Or is it just me?

   Bin Laden's wife has just changed her FB staus to single

   Thinks Women are magic creatures: they get wet without water, bleed without being injured, give milk without eating grass, can make boneless meat ROCK HARD!

   When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.