Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Since staying home I think I need a better way to end a phone conversation then saying "Hey let me go now, I gotta run"

   Even if you don't have to poop, bathrooms are still a nice place to take your pants off and sit for a while.

   Looks like I’m going to have to buy toilet paper. That brush next to the toilet hurts.

   The Irony of the old saying, "I wouldn't touch you with a 6 foot pole".

   Keeping anything under 100,000 deaths is always a good job.

   Hey Jude. I ran out of advice, so I'm just going to go nah nah nah nah for the next nine minutes.

   I tried bringing sexy back but the lady at Walmart assured me I didn't get it there.

   Chances of me doing anything at work today are about hahahahahahahahahahaha%.

   I judge people based on their email address.

   I eat those silica gel packets because consumer electronics are not the boss of me.

   Day 17 of isolation: still have food and toilet paper. Also, notice a small flock of very large birds are circling overhead, watching over me in a protective manner.

   Go ahead and hide out there now Waldo. Jerk.

   Keep your eyes on the road and don't get worried when you see someone naked on a front porch. It's probably just a healthcare working coming home after their shift.

   Who would have thought.. the unemployed have become subject matter experts on staying home

   I bet people's pets are just loving this quarantine

   I can't believe we all have to suffer, just because some idiot really wanted to eat under-cooked bat soup.

   The buttons on my jeans have started Social Distancing from each other.

   I am so bored, but not ckean house and do laundry bored.

   The worst homeschooling class has to be Sex Ed.

   If soap kills the virus maybe these tide pod eating idiots had a point