Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Can you believe that people are actually paying Atheists $150 to take care of their pets after the Rapture???!!! I'm just mad because I paid more than that for them to harvest my crops on Farmville.... :(

   A condom? Come on baby... it's the rapture!

   So the Queen of England Finally goes to Ireland after many years to help heal old wounds and whats the most important thing the Irish have to show her!?!?!??! how to pour a perfect pint of guinness!!! CLASSIC....stay Irish my friends!!!

   Hey guy's, I just found out that The Rapture might be delayed. Apparently God is waiting on his crops to be ready on Farmville first..........

   WARNING! As of Friday, Facebook will automatically start dragging the Earth into the Sun. To change this option, go to Settings > Planetary Settings > Trajectory, then UNCLICK the box that says "Apocalypse." Facebook kept this one quiet. Copy and pa

   Please note: If you're thinking you will be raptured at 6pm, I'm willing to take care of your Farmville operation. I'll just need your facebook log-in and password.......

   We will soon begin boarding for rapture flight 4287 with direct service to heaven. We will begin with those passengers who are traveling with small children or require assistance. Not so fast Stephen Hawking.

   There is nothing to be scared of. It is just the ramblings of a crazy and sad old man.

   before everyone leaves in the Rapture, can you join my mafia, farm, and garden? thanks...

   I've got a pretty good pre-rapture music mix going: "End of the World as We Know It," "Disco Apocalypse" and, of course, "Stairway to Heaven." Any other suggestions?

   've got a pretty good pre-rapture music mix going: "End of the World as We Know It," Jackson Browne's "Disco Apocalypse" and "Before the Deluge." And, of course, "Stairway to Heaven." Any other suggestions?

   Kissing burns 58 calories an hour.

   It's not often I write the word "bananas," but I always pause and thank Gwen Stefani when I do.

   Dam you rapture this is exactly as my last crapy life..guess I'm in hell..!!!

   Feels sorry for the astronauts on the space station. If the world ends who will bring them supplies?

   What time Is The Rapture? I Wanna Make Sure I Have On Clean Underwear!

   well, so much for the world ending....i even charged my phone and installed the battery saver app!

   At this very moment hundreds of men are using the "It's the end of the world tomorrow" pick-up line.

   I've made a decision. When I die, I am going to have my butt mounted above the fireplace so I can keep an eye on all of you.

   I hope they have Facebook in heaven...