Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   All you people with hair think you're so damn superior!!

   Where's the Kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth shattering kaboom

   And on the 21st Day of May... God said.. Hahahahahhahah!

   Unf*cking believable, I expected to see Zombies outside of my apartment, you know what I saw? A dog taking a dump

   Now that Rapture is about to begin…I have a few things I need to confess: I let the dogs out, I stole the cookies from the cookie jar, I hacked play station and YES I did cause global warming…Internet connection lost error message**

   May 21, 2011 - The "A-crap-alypse".

   You've been H.A.D ... HAPPY APOCALYPSE DAY .

   Ok , rapture already! Take me an leave Beiber, or vice versa, whatever !

   You know gas is expensive when you need the reflexes of a Ninja to get the pump to stop on a even dolar amount.

   what happens if ur peeing when the world ends???....

   stocking up on Twinkies and shotgun shells.

   Just got a free bowl of soup with this awesome hat I just bought!

   " I love you" should never be used in the form of a question.

   I prepared my self for this rapture by playing zombies on black ops and my wife said it was a waste of time I guess the jokes on her !

   feel kinda funny. whats that bright light? Oh Wait, I'm being Raptured! Sweet! Good Buy Everyone!!!!! I'll tell Elvis Hi For You.

   and with the first pick of the 2011 Rapture Draft... God selects Randy "Macho Man" Savage

   Horse walks into a pub: Bartender: "Why the long face?" Horse: "They wouldn't let me on the f-kin train."

   What's that white stuff Black babies rely on to live? - Taxpayers.

   Funny that when you hear a man's name, you can instantly work out his nationality: Paolo - Italian Pierre - French Diego - Argentinian Sven - Swedish Klaus - German. Mohammed - British

   BBC News: "Britons are the worst binge drinkers in Europe." - I'm sorry but I think you'll find we're actually the best.