Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you care for me at all, upon meeting Dee Snider you will say "Aren't you the singer from that fake band in Pee Wee's Big Adventure?"

   A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink on average 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Almost makes you feel like a hybrid.

   Sometimes your princess in a crown and evening gown is just a retard in a helmet and a Snuggie.

   I killed 6 people this morning thinking they were post-apocalyptic zombies. Then I realized there was no apocalypse, it's just Sunday morning on a long weekend. Sorry to the families of the people who's brains I spiked in the church parking lot this morni

   You know you live with a nerd when you pick a motherboard off of a closet shelf.

   Anyone else think that facebook's picture for a woman who does not have a profile pic looks like Darth Vader...

   You know you live with a nerd when you pick a motherboard off of a closet shelf

   I still think everyone on the east coast should have played dead just to scare the crap out of everyone on the west coast.

   Dear clever comeback, please come to me BEFORE the argument is over.

   According to the BBC, Harold Camping cannot be found today which made me laugh. Now we can all have a bit of peace!

   I dont see your silence as a punishment, I accept it as a gift, Thankyou.!!.

   When you're going down a slide, and your balls hit the side,,it's a Rapture!!

   Buying a ugly fat chick a purity ring is like putting a fence around a dog with no legs

   just made..... "I survived May 21st" \(^^,)/ T-Shirts... Who wants one?

   If you see Ghost Rider backwards is about a dead guy who after eating the soul of a demon and is punish becoming Nicolas Cage

   Harold Camping's response......appears to be nonexistent at the moment. Maybe he's in hiding, totally embarrassed by failure or he is at the bank counting his money.

   the next time I screw up bad I'll say "well at least I didnt predict the end of mankind and nothing happened"

   Sorry to all those that thought they were going to loot my stuff once the Apocalypse started last night..........Apparently I'm still needed here for something.

   Whenever I hear the phrase 'anything is possible', I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door ;)

   i decided to go to church for the first time ever this morning...just to laugh hysterically...yeah...i was quickly kicked out...