Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Use tSpelling bee on ESPN. Audience full of proud mom's sitting with dad's who'd rather have an illiterate son who could throw a ball.

   Walmart is coming to South Africa. Finally I can get in on all the walmart jokes and stuff posted here.

   #AwkwardMoment empty restroom and he comes to the urinal right next to you......(-___-)

   The awkward moment when halfway through telling a story you realize it is pointless.

   I've just finished writing an epic new film series about dyslexic vampires. It's called the Twiglet Saga.

   Dear drivers, unless you have the eyes of a chameleon. Please don't text and drive.

   The thing that I miss the most about being young? Knowing everything.

   Why haven't we seen a photo of Rep. Weiner's backside? Can't have a wiener without a bun.......Right??

   Hide and Seek scores are out! Remote Control: 16. Me: 0

   Thinking about posting a pic of myself in my underwear in support of my congressman Anthony Weiner........

   Don't blame Congressman Weiner. He was hacked by his evil twin Oscar Meyer.....

   Muhammad Ali vs. Michael J. Fox - The Quickest Game of Jenga Ever

   I tripped over the "Hump" in Hump Day and landed face first into Thirsty Thursday. Time to pick myself and my drink up so I can fall into Friday.

   Hospital walls have seen and heard more sincere prayers than any church

   Today is just gonna be one of those days like 'Now throw yo hands in the ayer... Wave em' like just don't cayer...'

   principles. If you don't like them I have others.

   I got on Facebook to look up long lost friends. It's true what they say, that it's best to let sleeping dogs lie

   Scrolling is more annoying and energy consuming when you are reading through meaningless and boring statuses, Damn you naagrag!!!

   I can say with CERTITUDE.. When you Twitpic your junk, there's bound to be trouble...Weinergate 2011

   it gets worse, 19 consecutive posts. You should be a comedian