santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   If you got me an Ed Hardy shirt for Christmas, don't worry about a gift receipt...I'll get more X-mas joy out of burning it.

   It's so nice having my family around for the holidays. It really makes me appreciate their absence the rest of the year.

   Good girls get presents at Christmas. Bad girls get presents all year long.

   next year I'm wrapping all of our Christmas presents in bubble wrap....it will be like two gifts in one!!!!

   I would like to give a big shout out to all the pissed off kids who only get one set of presents a year because their birthday is too close to Christmas.

   listening to Neil Diamond Christmas music...Man when he sings I feel like he is getting ready to really kick someones a$$

   Out of all of Santa's reindeer, the one that sounds most like a street name for crystal meth is all of them.

   Some girl just caught me staring at her crotch so I gave her two thumbs up. She only deserved one, but it's the holidays and sh!t.

   TIP! Never wear a Santa hat with a jingle bell at the tip when trying to secretly jerk off in the women's bathroom stalls.

   My favourite Christmas gift was a 24-pack of high-quality socks. I have worn them all already and now I'm depressed and in withdrawal.

   hors d'oevures now there is a word that snooty people like to use regularly, most of us just say "snacks" and we survive the holidays just fine.

   Has the NORAD Santa tracker stopped working? It says he's been at the Cheetahs Club in NYC for the past 48 hours.

   I want to see if I can make it 2 full days before Santa puts me back on the "bad boys" list again this year, where I belong. So I'm going to wait til tomorrow before I go back to my normal status updates.

   I always thought my dad was great when I was growing up, he always got so pissed off every year when santa didnt bring me presents. I felt so lucky to be his son.

   So its the day after christmas. boxing day for some; discount shopping to others; toilet blow out day for all who stuff the sh*t out of there bellys at that family member house! Good luck and hang in there.

   Christmas is a good time to realize that not all your family are relatives, and not all your relatives are family.

   Kids complaining they didn't get an iPhone for Christmas or got one in the wrong color is exactly why other countries hate us.

   The Day After Christmas Diet: Breakfast: Leftover lasagne Lunch: Leftover lasagne Dinner: Leftover lasagne Dessert: Leftover lasagne Beverage: Pureed leftover lasagne

   Call me old-fashioned but I think the best part about Christmas is having your fist inside a 28-pound flightless bird.

   I don't t take my Christmas Tree down...I smoke it.