Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hospital walls have seen and heard more sincere prayers than any church

   Today is just gonna be one of those days like 'Now throw yo hands in the ayer... Wave em' like just don't cayer...'

   principles. If you don't like them I have others.

   I got on Facebook to look up long lost friends. It's true what they say, that it's best to let sleeping dogs lie

   Scrolling is more annoying and energy consuming when you are reading through meaningless and boring statuses, Damn you naagrag!!!

   I can say with CERTITUDE.. When you Twitpic your junk, there's bound to be trouble...Weinergate 2011

   it gets worse, 19 consecutive posts. You should be a comedian

   well done naagraj, 8 consecutive posts with no likes. Your a legend

   whoever just posted these last few statuses is a complete IDIOT!!

   Three resons to stand up. 1) to go bathroom 2) to get the T.V remote and 3) because your the real slim shady.

   So you hate me? Is this the part where I start crying? Bi*ch please! Take a number and sit your a$$ down with the rest of them bi*ches waiting for me to give a f*ck.

   I know this sounds crazy but I totally see Jesus's face in this painting of Jesus.

   I call the toilet at work Mrs. Star Trek... because I just Shatner.

   If you guys don't start telling me when my status updates don't make sense... I'm gonna start matriculating bananas to the chimney of the coral reef.

   Ate some bad Indian food... and now I know how to pronounce that symbol that Prince changed his name to.

   I'm not playboy, I'm stick to one... its just happen that many girls outside are playgirls and I'm one of their victims...

   The media loves controlling this country. They promote NOT to drink & drive/text & drive but yet every third commercial its either about a car, a phone, or a alcoholic drink...and a little bit of insurance ads down your throat.

   I'm tall dark annd handsome...when its dark, I'm handsome...btw...I'm really not tall either

   That awkward moment when you give a mint to a person with a horrible bad breath....they take it, then put it in their pocket!

   No one ever seems to realize that when your EX says after you brake up, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you again," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.