Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wants everyone to know that June is "Chafing Month"!!

   My girlfriend says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?

   If a genie were to give me 3 wishes... goodbye Kardashians!

   Some relationships are like Tom & Jerry. They tease and irritate each other, knock each other down, but can't live without each other.

   Mondays are God's punishment for what you did during the weekend ...

   I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat'. You probably saw our posters.

   n't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

   Married with Children is the best comedy out there right now! 25 years on...when are Comedies going to be worth watching?

   My girlfriend always complains that I don't take her anywhere expensive.. So I took her to the Gas Station.

   There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.

   Dear Facebook, I can't believe you still haven't gotten that dislike button. Sincerely, YouTube.

   Mrs Schwarzenegger say to her housekeeper, "oh Patricia,I suspect my husband is having an affair with his secretary" Patricia replies, "No ma, you saying that just to make me feel jealous"

   Jamie Lee Curtis is in a new horror movie about a haunted yogurt shop..It's caled Paranormal Activia

   I hate when my winks and happy faces are split.. and continued on the next line :-/

   BREAKING NEWS Charlie Sheen is upset because someone one else is weining

   Damit.... I woke up with a pulse. I supose this means I should get dressed now....

   it's never to early in life to do anything...except get out of bed!

   Everyone want to be your sunshine, but not me, I want to be your Moon so I can light up your darkest moments, when your sun is not around.!!!

   NO ONE make any sudden moves,...the sun is out and I dont want you to scare it away.!!!

   .If you have someone great in your life hold on to them and pull them close and keep them tight to you,if not someone else will.