Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   * You know you're old when your pants waistband is up to your nipples.

   *My mother inlaw is so old, that she has an autograph copy of the Bible.

   It doesn't actually bother me much that I'll keep forgetting to write 2020 on my checks. What does bother me, is that it's 2020 and I'm still writing checks.

   The most disappointing sentence in the human language is "This next song is off of our new album".

   Some sad news to report on the second day of the new year....Our Hamster, Louie passed this morning, he fell asleep at the wheel

   I am now at the point in my life where I’m excited about finding change on the ground.

   I'm so old I......just forgot what I was going to post?

   I'm making some big changes this year, so if you could see this Facebook post you're not one of them.

   Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage? Why not both.

   * A cheap father told his little son that is nightlight only made it easier for the monsters to find him.

   Does it make you wonder why the mooslims in congress are so upset we took out a killer

   Its amazing how far we've come since the days of the cavemen who used to communicate with each other by writing on walls.

   Ever notice how that toothpaste falls so easily off your brush, but you can't wash it down the drain if you wanted to...

   Good News!!! I finally received my W2's from Facebook.

   May you all have a prosperous New Year.......... I may need to borrow money.

   A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

   Pringles: The only chip company that doesn’t sell air.

   Had a bad mix-up at Walmart today.... When the cashier said strip down facing me, apparently she was referring to my credit card!

   I couldn't afford a vacation in Mexico, so I watched the Spanish channel all day yesterday and ate some undercooked chicken.

   I'm so old I remember when people the only people who took something off your porch were called milkmen.