Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4821 of 6383
My curfew was lightning bugs. My parents didn't call my cell, they yelled my name. I played outside with friends, not online. If I didn't eat what mom cooked, then I didn't eat. Sanitizer didn't exist,but you COULD get your mouth washed out with soap. I r
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06-06-2011 21:55
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Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business again.
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06-06-2011 21:53 by BEGO
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Where would I be without my mother? Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger.
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06-06-2011 21:52 by BEGO
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I'm giving up on the silent treatment. Going to start talking to myself again.
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06-06-2011 21:29 by BEGO
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For Sale: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. Never read because wife already knows everything.
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06-06-2011 21:28 by BEGO
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excuse me ma'am, how many ping pong balls can you fit in your mouth?
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06-06-2011 21:28 by jeff
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Hitting the LIKE button on your own Facebook status is like sending a text message to yourself then replying.
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06-06-2011 21:27 by BEGO
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Some people have to realize that not everyone was made with a good singing voice...if they were, life would just be one big musical.
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06-06-2011 21:14
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In this kind of weather I expected to see more boobs hanging out.
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06-06-2011 20:56 by jeff
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BREAKING NEWS: Rep. Weiner has apologized to Paul Revere.
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06-06-2011 20:53
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Remove the vowels from FEMALE.
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06-06-2011 20:14
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This copy of Windows is not genuine... Dang, I'll never find that guy that sold me Windows from the trunk of his car... He seemed legit. Lesson learned.
im not much for masterbation but it did go off once while cleaning it
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06-06-2011 20:01
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kim kardashian: she's the kinda girl you could pee on
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06-06-2011 19:51
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The Beastie Boy's song, Paul Revere, is more historically accurate than what Sara Palin said about him.
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06-06-2011 19:49
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I would pay $1,000 to watch Sarah Palin explain the plot of LOST in her own words.
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06-06-2011 19:46
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there has to be a woman out there thinking to herself right now..." man I wish someone would pick me up like a bowling ball"
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06-06-2011 19:17 by jeff
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Dear my money tree, why must thou look like the charlie brown christmas tree?
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06-06-2011 19:08
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I had a great time fishing with my uncle until he looked up at me and said he's going to show me how to bone a fish.
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
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06-06-2011 19:06
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