Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   worried about his financial future...even Daylight Savings Time has a better plan than me...

   The first 10 years of a girl's life are spent playing with Barbies. The next 10 years are spent trying to look like one.

   was thinking about going into politics but I don't think I could ever cheat on my wife

   BREAKING NEWS: NFL owners and players are meeting today to determine whether I'll have to spend Sundays with my family this fall...

   If ladies could read my thoughts I would get slapped in the face A LOT!!!

   hunting is the only sport where you get to eat your opponent.

   How did Mexico beat the us? All thier players live here..

   I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!

   My heart is staying right where it belong, locked up in it's cage.

   wishes she was as funny in real life as she is on facebook

   Dude whenever I jaywalk I feel like I'm playing a game of frogger x D

   Duude girls don't poop. Period, they just dont!

   I Hate when people say '' Your Cool For Smoking '' , Wtf I'm Cool With Out Smoking

   What did cinderella say when she got to the ball? *Choke*

   Down with OPD (Other People's Drama)

   Ladies, it's not that there are no good men out there. It's just that you turned down 6 of em that wanted a chance to treat you right and chose the a$$hole.

   If you're not ready to die for it, take the word 'freedom' out of your vocabulary. – Malcom X

   do me a favor if someone tells you they don't like me , tell them I don't like them either.

   Mission impossible: Living the champagne lifestyle on beer budget.

   trying to figure out how many Sham-Wows I'm gonna need to soak up all the water in my truck after leaving the window down for 2 days...