santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I couldn't believe it when my wife announced she was leaving me for being too lazy. Especially after I'd spent all morning taking the Christmas decorations down.....

   Aside from Christmas, Easter is the best day to have Alzheimer's! You can hide your own eggs!

   my friend saif "I don't give a sh*t about Christmas, Easter and New Years", but I do give a sh*t...So he is going to be very surprised by the type of Easter Egg I give him tomorrow. It's cheaper than chocolate anyway!

   3-pack condoms are ideal for married couples: Birthday, Christmas, and Valentine's Day.

   I put up all the Christmas lights for Easter.......

   I wonder if Satan ever gets tired of getting Xmas letters from dyslexic kids.

   The first time a man sees a woman naked is like a child seeing a present on Christmas morning.

   Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.

   parents are hypocritical.....your not supposed to take candy or food from strangers but what do they let you do every Halloween? not supposed to talk to strangers but every christmas they sit you on santa's lap so you can talk to him.

   You know, many people have an artificial Christmas tree so they can use it year after year to save money. Why not do the same thing with roses on Valentine's Day. You can leave them up until Easter- maybe hang some Hershey's Kisses on them. Quite festive.

   Save money! Plastic christmas tree...plastic valentine roses.

   you know....it's been almost two months since Christmas.....I should probably stop ceaselessly referring to my p*nis as the "Pole-her Express"....

   If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas

   Christmas...-What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of your sock?

   When FB stalking someone & I find out their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

   has noticed the only one in the family still excited about there christmas presents is the dog

   starting the diet on monday or when walgreens runs out of maked down christmas candy

   51 weeks til Christmas....lights are up!

   I had my identity stolen the day after Christmas. It was reurned in yesterday's mail with $20 and a note that read, "Damn dude, no one owants to be you!"

   worried that Santa won't bring any gifts for dirty minded people. I'm screwed. Haha, screwed.