Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Angry husband is not satisfied with his wife & sends an sms to his Mother in law. Your product is not matching my requirements. Smart Mother in law replys - Warranty expired, manufacturer not responsible after seal is broken.

   “I can neither confirm or deny…” In my book, that's a yes.

   You know you had Taco Bell when the toilet seat remains warm between visits...

   hoping Casey Anthony gets her next period in a shark tank

   What an amazing state .. Florida screws up elections and trials

   That awkard moment when you really wished Kayne West had intrrupted the Casey's Not Guilty Verdict.

   Sitting at home, inhaling large amounts of helium, and calling random phone numbers; seeing people just wanna talk!

   Everyone needs to just calm down, I have it on good authority that the Anthony case has been re-opened! There was a witness and he just so happens to be the presiding judge. Trial is set to begin the moment she takes her last breath.

   172 days, 1 hour and 25 minutes until christmas! But hey, whos counting

   Kim Kardashian on Twitter: "Casey Anthony not guilty? I am speechless!" Someone replied: "So was Nicole Brown's family when your dad got OJ off".

   Casey's fate was decided by 12 peers too stupid to get out of jury duty

   writing about music is like dancing about architecture

   I have a buddy that is a vegetarian not because he loves animals but because he hates plants!!!

   I just love hearing somebody lying, when I know the truth..

   Visa is everywhere you want to be…except out of debt.

   Waiting for someone to tell you they love you is like listening for windchimes in a hurricane.

   Just when you think you've heard it all, someone comes up with a brand new damn lie.

   Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they're out of control.

   LIFE is the art of drawing...WITHOUT an eraser

   I'm not drunk, I'm just trying to walk like Jack Sparrow.