Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   For how long must I wait and toil in the FRIEND ZONE before she lets me hit it??

   Transformers 3: if you keep saving the world, you will never run out of hot girlfriends..!

   Why do women do such silly things sometimes, like trying to turn a one night stand into an engagement?

   for anyone thats interested I'm watching tv and deciding if I should get up and go for a wee

   I miss the 1980s when cell phones were big enough to cover your face if you saw someone you knew walking toward you.

   Sometimes people don't notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. The they are like, “Why don't you stalk me anymore”

   That embarrassing moment when you think you have made a connection with someone only to watch them ask your friend out

   I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.

   The Royal Couple will be in the U.S. on Friday. Isn't that ironic? We spent Monday celebrating the day we threw the British out, and on Friday we're letting them back in.

   I saw 2 people lost in front of the Garmin Store

   Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

   Most of the time I think i'd be better off talking to a wall other than you

   Laters FB... I'm tired of sharing my opinions And liking everybody's sh!t......and Pokin' folks I hardly even know... Peace Out! I'll do all that sh!t to y'all tomorrow.

   I gave a pint of blood yesterday. I hate mosquito season.

   I just realized I can make 50 funny faces at my boss in less than 30 seconds while the elevator door closes. Anyway, got fired.

   The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don't check their phone for 3+ hours.

   the UFOs are trying to look like stars...i am not fooled.

   As I watch this Spider walk across my floor, I wonder if his Spidey senses are telling him, he's f*cked

   I wear my glasses to the liquor store in an effort to appear responsible.

   The sad reality is, after 16 & Pregnant, Teen Mom and Jersey Shore, "Milf-Murder Acquittals" was probably going to be the next MTV hit anyways..