Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!

   I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.

   Dear Facebook.. A new sidebar chat?? seriously?? if I wanna chat I use msn.. if I wanna video chat I use skype.. so STOP IT ALREADY!!!!!!

   People who want happy endings have to write their own.

   Harry Potter's movie reinforces one stereotype. That an army of evil is still surprisingly inept at killing the main character

   Facebook: making the high school reunion last forever.

   So, other than that, Mrs. Lincoln...How did you enjoy the play?

   I had just sat down when I discovered that I needed toilet paper!

   Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

   Sometimes I wonder why I ever came to this Earth

   They should serve watermelons at every place in the world that has chicken on their menu.

   Oh life I love you, specially your things I mean living things, some of them are severely cool

   Just got my ass kicked pretty bad ...man I'll never shadow box again

   likes to sell things to guys with fake hair just so he can say, "How are you going Toupée?"

   stop chasing girls chase money cause when you got money they chase you....and I'm slow they always catch me :)

   I wonder if the guy that changes Casey Anthony's oil knows a thing or two about brakes and being a national hero?

   mentally catapulting Angry Birds at the car in front of me...

   Theirs a reason the rear-view mirror is small & the windshield is big, where you are heading is much more important than what you left behind.

   Usually, the person who tries to make everyone happy is the loneliest and saddest person.

   I ate so many Popsicles yesterday that I just farted a rainbow ..