Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 474 of 6383
Does a steelhead trout rust in the water?
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01-23-2020 08:27
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The closest I've come to working out in the last month has been a double sneeze. And I hurt my neck.
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01-23-2020 08:25
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Would a mime fart be silent but deadly?
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01-23-2020 06:59
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I can't believe I live in a world where our only defense against a blizzard is buying extra milk and bread.
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01-23-2020 06:41
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Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I'll be telling everyone it's from having sex while skydiving.
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01-23-2020 06:34
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I was ready to run for it when I heard the fire alarm go off at the Dentist's today. But he assured me it was just a drill.
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01-23-2020 06:18
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The plastic surgeon was quoting patients who had his scrotal enlargement procedure. Yes, they were testi-monials.
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01-23-2020 06:12
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I have two snakes strapped to my windscreen. They're my vipers.
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01-23-2020 06:11
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Don't be afraid to cut people off-Lorena Bobbitt
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01-23-2020 06:11
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Can't decide between joining the US military, or opening a musical instrument store. I'm stuck between Iraq and a harp place.
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01-23-2020 06:09
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All my friends just got fired from the rodeo. It was a real Cowboy boot.
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01-23-2020 06:08
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The Go-Go's are bringing a vegetable to tonight's dinner party. They said, "We got the beet."
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01-23-2020 06:07
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when I am in a store I always seek out the dustiest corner and lay my eggs there
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01-23-2020 06:06
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“Are You Hugging Me, Or Are You Trying to Wipe Snot on My Shirt?” - A Novel About Living with Small Children
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01-23-2020 06:05
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So... what's this I hear about Coronas being infected?
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01-22-2020 16:47
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Blocked someone for correcting my grammer and it feelded so good...
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01-22-2020 16:26 by Gabe
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I went to confession last week. Things in my life have apparently gotten way out of hand, and I mean WAY out. For my penance, the priest gave me 3 Hail Marys, 3 Our Fathers and a Crucifixion.
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01-22-2020 15:54 by Fazzy
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Yes, you know...the same Stormy Daniels ordered to pay $293,000 to him for lying.
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01-22-2020 15:05
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You mean lies like "I never met Stormy Daniel's in my life"?
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01-22-2020 14:49
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It's sad to watch folks who have been lied to by the Dems, CNN and the MSM for so long that they don't know the truth when they finally see it face to face.
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01-22-2020 14:36
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