Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Fellas: If your woman starts updating her Facebook status right in the middle of having sex with you, it might be a clue that you are not doing her right.

   The more you show the person that you cant live without them, the more reasons you're giving them to take you for granted.

   You don't know how strong you are until you have no other option.

   You only live once. Have fun, enjoy life to the fullest, do what you want and don't look back, smile, love somebody. live for the future, not the past. Life is too short to be p!ssed off all the time!

   I live by my own rules... that my gf has reviewed, revised and then approved. BUT STILL MY OWN RULES!!!!

   I'm putting way too much pressure on my coffee this morning.

   New T.V. show idea... BEER FACTOR. "How many beers do you think it will take to get him/her to eat this bug?"

   When our NATION would rather argue about whether or not Bert and Ernie are gay (hand puppets) and not address the fact that we are economical​ly in a disaster!!​ Then I must say enough is enough and we have failed as a leading powerful country!!

   Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"

   If your girlfriend spend most of her free time watching "Law and Order" "CSI" "The First 48" "Dexter" and "Snapped"...Do yourself a big favor and go buy her flowers...

   I was watching my dog lick himself when I though "I'm gonna try that".....He bit me!!!!

   Just because I'm drive, doesn't mean I can't drunk!!!

   The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments.

   Hard work never kills anybody who supervises it.

   Never pick a fight with an ugly person;........They've got nothing to lose.

   Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?

   I went to my acupuncturist today. He told me to take two thumbtacks and call him in the morning.

   The best things in life are free...............So how many kittens do you want?

   If you friend request me on facebook and your profile picture is a car, I will assume you're a transformer.

   In life, the woman saying " it cant be done" is always interrupted by the woman doing it...that woman is ME:)