Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Rum, Dr. Pepper, and the Curse of the Black Pearl. The end to a great weekend! 
I wonder what that commercial with the corndog slapping the guy in the face would be like with the "Benny Hill" theme song played over it?.........
Why is it when someone is under water on TV, I hold my breath also?
Vampires will only truly love girls four days out of the month, period.
"Lets watch a scary movie!" *several hours later* "Dude, walk with me to the bathroom"
PMS is just women ovary acting.
You know why lesbians are so fat...because there always eating out..!!!
if I had a dollar for everytime I wished I had a dollar....
my dogs weird. I flip him off and he just wags his tail
Big Shout out goin out to all the pretty chics that look ugly when they turn the lights on at the end of the night in the club. You're all special in the dark. =)
That #MomentOfPanic when in the middle of showing your girlfriend a video on your phone.......another girl calls
Who needs soap operas, talk shows, reality tv, newspapers, and books when there is facebook
If she drinks apple juice she is too young for you bro
even the sweetest memories have a bitter taste
Sometimes my LOL just means, Lack-Of-Laughter
two young boys are lying in a snow bank outside of church with their pants down. when asked what they were doing they said "father likes a couple cold ones before mass begins"
when the truth is gone.. the relationship is over.
Since I don't know how to draw I decided to be an artist
Who's that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again!!
I like my wife how I like my girlfriend....horny and home every other day. 