Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4670 of 6446

Dear radio stations, instead of 40 minutes of commercial free music, how about 5 minutes of good music?
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08-16-2011 05:51 by flinnie
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Two rules of success in life: 1. Always have some secrets. 2.

I just accidentally mixed 'I cant believe its not butter' with my regular butter...now I don't know what to believe
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08-16-2011 05:47 by flinnie
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My last words will be either "I wonder what this does..." or "no, you put YOUR gun down."
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08-16-2011 05:46 by flinnie
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I swear it wasn't me that drew a d!ck on your face after you passed out. I traced it.
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08-16-2011 05:44 by flinnie
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The only person I have to be better than is the person I was yesterday.
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08-16-2011 05:29 by @Buddz31
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kleptomania, when it's bad I take something for it..........Nipper
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08-16-2011 05:09
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"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends".... if only all girls thought like the spice girls
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08-16-2011 05:00
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"They" say money and sex is the root of all evil. Well I think "they" are just poor virgins
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08-16-2011 04:57
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I don't know about flavored vodkas, but I'm pretty sure tequila only comes in one flavor; “Bad Decisions”.
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08-16-2011 04:55
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Behind every fat girl there is a beautiful woman.....No seriously, you're in the way.
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08-16-2011 04:50
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Wedding rings are bad for your circulation.

Fat chicks never forget a drunken hook-up, because an elephant never forgets.
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08-16-2011 04:15 by BAD GUY
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"I could watch him play video games for hours," - said no one's wife, ever.
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08-16-2011 04:06
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ghetto word of the day...before: 2+2 before!
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08-16-2011 03:47
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Nice guys finish last....Real men finish on her face.
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08-16-2011 03:35
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I took a dump on a pigeons nest today. Revenge has never been this sweet.
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08-16-2011 03:30 by BAD GUY
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When someone is talking behind your back.....Just fart
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08-16-2011 03:26
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You know you are a sidechick when he got you saved under a dude's name in his phone.
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08-16-2011 03:24
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I saw a homeless guy holding a sign that said "Bet you cant hit me with a quarter!" I bet he didn't expect me to use a sling shot.
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08-16-2011 03:12
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