Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Dear radio stations, instead of 40 minutes of commercial free music, how about 5 minutes of good music?
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two rules of success in life: 1. Always have some secrets. 2.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:48 by hoyttwothree Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just accidentally mixed 'I cant believe its not butter' with my regular butter...now I don't know what to believe
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My last words will be either "I wonder what this does..." or "no, you put YOUR gun down."
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I swear it wasn't me that drew a d!ck on your face after you passed out. I traced it.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only person I have to be better than is the person I was yesterday.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:29 by @Buddz31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon kleptomania, when it's bad I take something for it..........Nipper
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends".... if only all girls thought like the spice girls
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "They" say money and sex is the root of all evil. Well I think "they" are just poor virgins
←Rate | 08-16-2011 04:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know about flavored vodkas, but I'm pretty sure tequila only comes in one flavor; “Bad Decisions”.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 04:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every fat girl there is a beautiful woman.....No seriously, you're in the way.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 04:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wedding rings are bad for your circulation.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 04:45 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fat chicks never forget a drunken hook-up, because an elephant never forgets.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 04:15 by BAD GUY Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I could watch him play video games for hours," - said no one's wife, ever.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 04:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ghetto word of the day...before: 2+2 before!
←Rate | 08-16-2011 03:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nice guys finish last....Real men finish on her face.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 03:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I took a dump on a pigeons nest today. Revenge has never been this sweet.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 03:30 by BAD GUY Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone is talking behind your back.....Just fart
←Rate | 08-16-2011 03:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you are a sidechick when he got you saved under a dude's name in his phone.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 03:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a homeless guy holding a sign that said "Bet you cant hit me with a quarter!" I bet he didn't expect me to use a sling shot.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 03:12 Comments (0)  




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