Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I haven't been ignoring you. I've been prioritizing you.

   Sometimes Karma does not even want to get involved, it just wants to sit and watch because it knows, sooner or later, they are bound to screw up all by themselves.

   Why are Gay people so sensitive? If you can take a d*ck, surely you can take a joke..

   Trying to write a country song. What rhymes with, My dog drank all my beer and my wife left me?

   The 6 LEAST POPULAR Nursing Home Games:6 Simon says Something Incoherent 5.Pin the Toupee on Baldy 4. Hide and Go Pee 3. Musical Dentures 2. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over 1 And of course Kick the Bucket.

   GHETTO word of the day:CHINO, Chino like it when I spend my whole paycheck on beer

   taken what I can get.. But I am not settling for anything less than what I want..

   TLC has announced that Kate +8 has been cancelled and has been replaced with a new show Casey -1.

   I want a phone that does everything but ring.

   Never trust a dog to watch your food.

   I don't exactly hate her but if she is in fire and I have water I will drink it

   When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it's too late.

   i like your teeth...yellow is my favorite colour

   There's probably no problem in the world that can't be resolved by a good ol' fashioned Facebook survey.

   Kate plus eight is being cancelled, I think we can all together say eight times....thank God!

   I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time.

   Wow, are we really so broke that Obama has to take the bus to work too?

   You know the economy is bad when you call the bill collectors to make a payment and their answering machine says there is an 8 hour hold time and to try your call again later.

   What's black and fills in welfare forms?......A pen. :P

   i keep arguing with myself.. sometimes I wish I would just shut up and mind my own business!