Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Looks like Jay-Z finally found that 100th problem.

   I've missed you so much, I've dreamt about you night after night. I can't believe I've lived without you, I know we will be together soon....Just 3 more days till college football!

   Beyonce is pregnant. She should of put a Nuva Ring on it

   Many admit to being fools for love. But only Foghat had the guts to admit to being fools for the city

   If you ever reach a point in life when you are 'too old' or 'too mature' to enjoy Hey Arnold, you're dead inside

   What food decreases a women's sex drive faster than anything else? Wedding cake

   If I were invisible the first thing I would do would be to beat the crap out of a mime. The people would love it!

   My computer beat me at chess, but I beat it at kickboxing

   This girl got all pissed off just because I was reading the back of her pants... so what if I was trying to read it in braille

   I hate these goody-two-shoe people who act like genitals are a curse from the devil himself when they actually a gift from god to be enjoyed at every given opportunity.

   Those females w a big a$$ who can't sit still in the club. They just have to walk by you 50 times. Yes yes I see it, its big, now sit down.

   Blaming others for your misfortune can ruin your health -- which you'll probably just blame on somebody else too.

   Any fool can be a Father, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy!!

   What do you call a one leeged Japanese woman Wait for it ...... Irene !!!

   sometimes you gotta save peoples numbers just so you know which ones to ignore!!

   today was alot like my X girlfriend... cold and miserable

   The VMA's is the only day out of every year that MTV pretends to care about music.. Then its back to the pregnant teens, jersey people in italy, and sweet 16 birthday parties

   No I didn't watch the VMA. I was unaware MTV EVEN showed music videos anymore

   Lady Gaga says her fans are monsters.Really? Then how come the Wolfman hates her guts?

   This hotel has the worst mini-bar. All the little bottles of booze taste like shampoo.