santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   What's a good Christmas gift for the man who has everything except a clue?

   Tesco - It's the little things that make Christmas. Yeah, Vietnamese kids in sweat shops.

   I remember when Santa said I was to old to sit on his lap. Well that was last year, this year I am wearing a disguise.

   So who's buying their kids Elmo toys this Christmas?....Anyone...?

   Santa, this Christmas all I want is a fat bank account and a slim body. Lets not mix the two up like last year, ok?

   Santa put me in charge of the naughty list this year. So if you have been naughty inbox me so we can talk about your punishment and gift.

   Just a friendly reminder: There's 51 shopping days before Xmas. Of course according to the Mayans, the world will end in 48 days, so you decide…

   Men, if you're looking to spoil your lady this christmas, make sure there's WIFI in the kitchen, chicks love WIFI in the kitchen.

   Christmas shopping done.... I got everyone a box with a note in it that reads. "Sorry, the world was suppose to end so I didn't get you anything. Blame the Mayans!"

   I just saved a TON of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook.

   Hey Target, it's Mid October, calm down on the xmas stuff!-Santa

   I use my birthday as an excuse to do whatever the hell I want. So basically it's just like every other day, except with presents.

   Life got 4 steps. 1: you belive in santa. 2: you don't belive in santa. 3: you are santa. 4: you look like santa

   counting down!!! Only 91 days until Christmas, that's right CHRISTMAS :)

   I can't believe they're holding off until Christmas for the M̶c̶D̶e̶a̶t̶h̶ McRib this season.....What better time of year for your McBowels to get the McMoves like McJagger and ruin your holiday?!

   The way to a girl's heart is presents. The way to a woman's heart is presence.

   gonna take the Christmas lights down...

   I don't care what kinda lighter you have, its fair game if its unattended. Unless its engraved, then I'll give it back for Christmas.

   Pretty sure I know what my GF is getting me for Christmas. When I guessed, "a threesome?" she got all angry like I'd ruined the surprise.

   I had a dream about a planet run by orphans who sing a song filled with unintelligible lyrics and had authority figures with voices that blared like brass. Then I woke up and A Charlie Brown Christmas was on.