Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What's with these silly women always talking about how they don't need a man in their lives? B*tch, I also don't need a Ferrari but you don't hear me talking about it every damn minute.

   D*CK-RID·ING² [dik,rahy-ding] - noun. The Act of Continuously OVER-praising an individual, with intentions of being noticed.

   It sucks when you're on Facebook, and you see people having more fun in their lives than you do.

   If you can't tell if a girl is fat or pregnant, don't say anything.

   Wow, you're tall. Do you play basketball? ..Wow, you're short. Do you play mini golf?

   Don't make fun of a fat guy with a lisp. He's probably thick and tired of it.

   How do I approach my neighbors and tell them that their WiFi isn't working properly and they might need to reset the modem?

   McBoyfriend; a boyfriend whose idea of being romantic to his girl is taking her out to McDonald's.

   Getting mad at people because you did something stupid only makes you an angry stupid fool.

   The most unpleasant people on Earth: Old, wounded, narrow-minded and religious types.

   Ladies; if you don't know how to dance, just spell your name with your butt. Problem solved.

   "Hold on playa!" ~ Ghetto Yield sign.

   My phone battery dies faster than a black guy in a horror movie.

   That rather uneasy moment when Jesus comes back to Earth, but everyone moved to Mars.

   Dear Curiosity, Please just put the gun down and lets talk this out. ~ Sincerely, Cat

   I speak 3 languages ENGLISH, SARCASM, & SEXUAL INNUENDOS

   So if 69 is... you know... is 99 planking?

   I swear my touchscreen phone touches its self when no one is looking

   "YOU SHOULD'VE COME WITH US!" well, inviting me would've helped..

   Love is like your shadow...the more steps you make towards it the further it moves away from you...but yet it follows you around your whole life.